This was in the year of 2018. I was in my last semester as an undergraduate at San Diego State University and trying to make lasting memories with the friends I made during my time. At the time, I was a part of a Christian Sorority known as Alpha Delta Chi. My “Big Sis” (in layman terms, it's just a cuter way to say mentor) and I agreed to meet up for lunch so she picked me up from the sorority house and took me to Hillcrest. For those who aren’t familiar with the area, it is a town in San Diego that is known for its restaurant scene with a heavy presence of LGBT residing in the area. My Big Sis parked into one of the lots, we walked around into a delicious but strange candy store, and had brunch at “Snooze”. It started off as a typical day that suited two typical girls. At least, until things took an unexpected turn…
As I’ve never been to Hillcrest before, we decided to walk around the area a bit before we had to part ways. It was a simple town, nothing too fancy that I could see in the daylight (though I’m sure it had a strong and colorful nightlife). However, the part that stood out to me were the groups of homeless people that roamed the streets or huddled in clusters in shaded parks, trash littered around them. A bit of context: I am from Los Angeles and while there are certainly amazing areas to go to, a big reality is that there are a lot of homeless here, especially when you get to downtown. Growing up, I would more often than not see homeless individuals who are erratic and become aggressive when they want something. In fact, I was taught from an early age to avoid them as much as possible because if you engage with them, it’s a roulette on whether you’ll hear gratitude or you’ll hear harassment and most times it would be the latter. It may be a cruel perspective to have and certainly one based on privilege but this is what I grew up and believed.
So one could imagine how I felt when a homeless person walked up to my big sis and I and asked if we could buy him food and things from CVS.
As ashamed as I am to say this, my immediate internal reaction was to say “I have no money, I’m sorry” and walk as fast as I possibly could. He was tall, African American, and gave me unsettling vibes and, being a privileged white girl, I didn’t want to stand around him much longer.
But before I could speak, my big sis said, “Sure! Let’s go get you something to eat. There’s a Shake Shack nearby, would that be okay?”
I won’t lie. During the entire excursion to buy this individual food and hygienic products at CVS, I was ready to run to the hills. This was out of my usual comfort zone and completely not what I was grown up to do. I’m a young white girl standing by an older black, homeless man. In any other circumstance, our differences wouldn’t have made us cross paths, but here we were, connected by my big sis. I barely spoke and kept my guard up the whole time because I was waiting for something to happen but my big sis took it in stride. She asked questions, offered more than he was asking for, and graciously helped him. I could only look at awe as she didn’t hesitate to help and speak to this man like they were old friends. I remember when we parted ways with the man, I made a comment that was shocked by how much she helped this man and she just simply responded with “If he was just asking for money, I probably would have been a bit suspicious but he just wanted food and some things so I felt it was the right thing to do.”
Even though this encounter happened years ago, it’s one that still resonates with me because of how much my perceptions were completely challenged that day. I’ve grown up with people mostly ignoring homeless people on the street and using the same tactic of just walking away as fast as possible. If there’s any community effort to help, it’s usually through protected means such as shelters that are run by dedicated organizations. Yet, despite this common approach that I’ve seen throughout communities, here was my big sis going against the grain and didn’t have the same perceptions that most would have had. This incident was an important lesson in that, it made me aware of my negative perceptions and understanding that they need to change.
From personal experience, even if we have this awareness, it’s incredibly difficult to stand up and fight against it. If one has a low level of empowerment, they might be aware of the injustice that happens but won’t be able to confront it head on (Wasson & Jackson, 2013). However, in my personal opinion, we as a society need to push through that uncomfortable feeling that we have and confront these injustices or negative perceptions. And in order for society to move in that direction, empathy and compassion are key components that need to be integrated into our lives and to break that, we need to move away from our own personal biases and consider altering perspectives so we can expand our own. An important skill to create empathy and compassion is to listen to what others have to say and process their feelings and emotions. While it may be beneficial to go out and experience other cultures to see their values, even listening to those different from us and hearing their thoughts can expand our outlook and give a different perspective (Management Library, 2022). Further developing compassion also relies on us being able to express vulnerability and reflect on suffering, especially within ourselves. When we are able to be compassionate to ourselves is when we can open that mindset to listen to others and showcase compassion (Sharpe et al, 2016). Unfortunately, as much as society wants to create this image that life is beautiful and grandiose, the reality is that the world can be cruel and that at the end of the day, we are humans with emotions. With creating compassion and wanting to fix issues in our communities, we need to embrace both the positives and negatives to make sure that solutions are geared towards that (Sharpe et al, 2016).
Management Library. (2022, January 18). How to Develop Skills in Empathy
https://managementhelp.org/interpersonal/empathy-skills.htm
Sharpe, E., Mair, H., & Yuen, F. (2016). Community development: Applications for
leisure, sport, and tourism. State College, PA: Venture Publishing.
Wasson, D., & Jackson, M. (2022, December 1). Assessing Cross-Cultural Sensitivity Awareness:
A Basis for Curriculum Change. Journal of Instructional Psychology, 29(4), 265-276.
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